randall schleufer  [ _{Goth Girl} ]

The following is just for search engines to find this dialog, in case anyone really cares.
This isn't meant for people to actually READ. So go away.
Stop looking at me. I hate you.

---- Comic #1
intercom: We have a new student today. She'll be a little shy at first, so please give a warm welcome to Lenore!
gothgirl What are you staring at FATBOY? Oooh... I'm gonna... That's it, time for an ass kickin'.
zitboy: What the hell was that?
geekboy: Dunno. But I think we can appease it with a sacrifice. I nominate you.
gothgirl IT'S TOO LATE TO REDEEM YOURSELF NOW!

---- Comic #2
gothgirl What are you looking at ZITBOY?
zitboy: N-n-nothing?
gothgirl What the fuck is everyone staring at?
gothgirl I'm not a goddam FREAK!
gothgirl Are you ogling me?
zitboy: Gerk!

---- Comic #3
gothgirl Sixteen stunned students sitting strangely silent.
gothgirl No doubt you are captivated by my stunning display of power and dominance
zitboy: Hey Lenore, does that toilet paper streaming from your boots symbolize your reign of tyranny?
gothgirl Tyranny toppled by trite toilet paper taunt.
kid #1: Two-ply Tyrant. Haw haw
kid #2: What a doof!

---- Comic #4
godboy: Hey don't worry about those guys. They pick on me too.
gothgirl Huh?
gothgirl OH GOD please kill me now
godboy: Another devout Christian? Take note sinners, we are growing in number!

---- Comic #5
three kids: Freak

---- Comic #6
gothgirl What the fuck is wrong with me?
gothgirl The outbursts.The weird hair and clothes. Are these ploys designed to divert focus from my real issues? Or do I seek attention in order to cram my ideals down the throat of others?
gothgirl Oh God, please help me.
god: Hello?

---- Comic #7
gothgirl *sniff* huh?
god: It's me, God
gothgirl Oh that figures, Gods a toilet
god: No, I'm IN the toilet
lenore That's quite the metaphor you've got there
god: Dammit, I told the props dept. that we should stick to the "tried and true" Burning Bush, but nooo

---- Comic #8
gothgirl ... So now everyone thinks I'm a freak.
gothgirl Hello, are you still there? Are you even listening to me? God?
god: I'm still listening, I stopped by the kitchen to make a sandwich
gothgirl GAA!
god: I know, I can't believe you were out of mustard, either.

---- Comic #9
gothgirl Who the hell are you? Stand back or I'll beat your ass
god: I-I-I'm God
gothgirl Oh sure. I suppose you can prove that?
god: I'm wearing the "official" hat
god: I'm glad you came around
lenore I don't need a lot of proof

---- Comic #10
gothgirl So are you here to solve my problems?
god: No that would be a breech of contract
gothgirl What contract? We have a contract?
god: Well specifically article 1.337 that prevents me from meddling in your affairs
god: So I provide guidance instead. Have you ever considered treating others with respect and kindness instead of terrorizing?
gothgirl What makes you an expert? I demand resolution, not fortune cookie wisdom. Sheesh.

---- Comic #11
gothgirl All these video games are trash
god: What about this one?
gothgirl "Stickman Assault" ? Look at these crappy graphics. A 5-year old could do better. This game sucks.
gothgirl Whoa! Realistic simulated gore and bloodsplatters
god: Quote: "This game sucks"
gothgirl Oh hush, you don't know anything about coolness

---- Comic #12
gothgirl I always feel like an outsider. I just don't fit in.
god: A square peg in a round hole
gothgirl If I try to fit in, I just feel awkward and pretentious
god: A fish out of water
gothgirl Most days I feel like painting the walls with the sinewy guts of my classmates. SQUEAL! Little Piggies SQUEAL!
gothgirl You're supposed to give me another tired cliche'
god: I'm thinking, I'm thinking

---- Comic #13
zitboy: Her house looks normal.Do you think she's home?
geekboy: You knock. She scares the crap out of me
zitboy: So she's goth. I'll bet she is totally normal
geekboy: Yeah, if you can call the Addams Family "normal"
zitboy: It's not like she carries a beheaded doll.
geekboy: How do you know? I'll bet she skins people for fun
zitboy: If we were in danger, I'd be outta here
gothgirl You two have been arguing out here for thirty minutes. Would you like to come in?
geekboy: She's got a knife!
zitboy: I'm outta here

---- Comic #14
gothgirl I heard you talking on the porch, so I decided to play a little joke
geekboy: Yeah, we're hip to the whole goth scene... heh... dark humor... scary movies...
gothgirl Amusing stereotype
zitboy: Ignore him, he's high strung
gothgirl Nonetheless, I'm glad you stopped by. You can partake in my favorite pastime!
geekboy: I TOLD you she's gonna fuckin' skin us alive! My blood is on your hands bucko!
gothgirl I had a video game in mind. But your idea is cool, too.

---- Comic #15
geekboy: What do your parents do for a living?
gothgirl My mom is a writer. I've never read her work, but it's probably stupid
geekboy: That's an odd coffee table book
lenore That's one of her notebooks! she never leaves them lying around
lenore Let's read it
lenore Mom writes erotica?
geekboy and zitboy: Holy shit

---- Comic #16
gothgirl I can't believe my mom writes smut.
geekboy: She seems to be good at it
gothgirl I wonder if there are other dark secrets
zitboy: Look, there's a website mentioned
geekboy: Maybe we shouldn't do this
gothgirl Are you kidding? This has been hidden from me. I'm about to unleash her worst fear
geekboy: Whoa, she's nekkid
gothgirl Mom?
zitboy: Damn, she's hot

---- Comic #17
gothgirl: Okay, so my mom poses nude. The photos are quite artistic with a nice composition
zitboy: Too bad we can't see more of her "composition"
gothgirl: These photos much be twenty years old. She looks nothing like that now.
geekboy: I seriously doubt that matters to thousands of visitors. she's hot.
gothgirl: Immature little pigs disgust me.
geekboy: What's the problem? She obviously doesn't care if people see her hoo-hoos
gothgirl: Let's look at it from a different perspective. What if it was YOUR Mom?
geekboy: You are SICK!
zitboy: That's totally disgusting

---- Comic #18
geekboy: So your mom writes smut and poses in the nude. What's the big deal?
gothgirl: I'm not sure how I feel about this. Do I talk to her about it? Does Dad know?
zitboy: That should be an interesting dinner converstation
gothgirl: I suppose it's not the end of the world. She is an adult after all.
geekboy: Things could be worse. She could be a prostitute, drug addict or politician.
geekboy: Some people don't see the positive side of things.
zitboy: When I find my foot, I'm positively kicking your ass.

---- Comic #19
narrator: Soil seethes with retched stench
narrator: Grinding bones and flaking flesh
narrator: lurching forth with creaky groan
god: Death emerges from its room
gothgirl: Where the fuck is my coffee?

---- Comic #20
sportgirl: Here comes that stupid gothic freak
sportgirl: Nice outfit. How do you look like absolute crap so consistently? I must find out who does your hair
gothgirl: I didn't get much sleep last night. I'm crabby and pissed off, so stay the fuck out of my way.
jockboy: Must be P.M.S.
sportgirl: You didn't have to bite his head off you psycho!
gothgirl: *BURP* You're next bitch

---- Comic #21
narrator: Lenores bad mood became an epidemic
narrator: Hank warned fellow students of the bitchy zombie horde
narrator: But he was ignored, dismissed as a raving lunatic
narrator: Which worked out well, because the horde moved slowly
horde: Hey, could we lurch a little faster?

---- Comic #22
narrator: An infectious bad mood ravaged the school, turning students into a bitchy zombie horde
zitboy: JIMI YOU'RE ALIVE!
zitboy: AUGH!
geekboy: A zombie horde is coming. I was fucking scared!
zitboy: So you pissed your pants?

---- Comic #23
narrator: Lenores bad mood created a bitchy zombie horde. The last remaining survivors, Jimi and Hank, are hiding in a bathroom stall
narrator: Jimi and Hank are hiding in a bathroom stall
zitboy: I think the zombies heard you the first time, Mr. Narrator

---- Comic #24
narrator: Epilogue: Lenores bad mood spread like an infectious disease, transforming students into bitchy zombies
narrator: An anonymous tip led the bitchy zombie horde to the hiding place of Jimi and Hank
narrator: Afterwards, the halls fell silent
geekboy: What are you looking for?
zitboy: That nosey narrator ratted out our hiding place. When I find him, I going to rip out his goddam tongue

---- Comic #25
gothgirl: I am your creator! Obey me! Worship me!
gothgirl: They aren't listening
god: I know the feeling. Can you threaten them with a flood?

---- Comic #26
gothgirl: The Museum of Modern Art. Such inspiration, such finesse fills these walls
gothgirl: "Nude descending a staircase" for instance. Perfect display of movement, fluidity...
gothgirl: What the hell are you doing?
god: Admiring a masterpiece. Why?
gothgirl: eep... eep... can't breathe

---- Comic #27
gothgirl: Why are you looking in your pants?
god: I keep all my books in there
god: See? I was just admiring the "Last Supper" painted by Leonardo Da Vinci in...
gothgirl: I know who Da Vinci is! Why are your pants filled with books?
god: What am I supposed to keep in my pants?
gothgirl: Well certainly not sandwiches.

---- Comic #28
gothgirl: *AHEM* This week, our comics stirred up a few pieces of hate mail
god: A few bajillion, actually
gothgirl: God stores things in his pants. Books... sandwiches... to those who thought God was peeping at his peepee, we have once question:
gothgirl: WHY WOULD GOD HAVE A PENIS YOU SICKOS!
god: Yeah, they aren't even edible
god: What...? Well they're not!
gothgirl: I give up

---- Comic #29
gothgirl: What really irks me is the way people have come to expect instant gratification.
gothgirl: Nobody pauses to savor the moment anymore
god: Can we try that again? I didn't ge to savor the moment.

---- Comic #30
gothgirl: What is fate? Are we doomed to a predestined furture? Our actions have no influence? I don't buy it
god: That was fate
gothgirl: That was NOT fate!

---- Comic #31
god: Fate is kind of funny. The details are always sketchy. Careful, you are about to fall
gothgirl: You aren't tripping me again...
god: For example: I didn't foresee the mud puddle playing a big part in this

---- Comic #32
god: I heard a very good quote once. It described fate perfectly.
gothgirl: It must have been the quote by Franklin D. Roosevelt: Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds
god: Nope, that's not it
gothgirl: Then how about Seneca? Fate leads the willing and drags along the reluctant.
god: no... no...
gothgirl: Shit happens.
god: THATS the one!